GTT-Olympic Gold

I recently stumbled across a really great blogsite that offers a topic each Thursday and links to each blogger's post on said topic. I am really excited to participate since coming up with something to write about has proven difficult for me.



The site is Girl Talk Thursday, and this week's topic: If you could create an Olympic competition that you were sure to take home the gold medal in, what would it be?

I have read the other bloggers' posts, and think I might have some steep competition if procrastination were an event. I am sure I would place though, because, hey, it is now Friday night and they have already posted their responses. Heh.

So, let's see...what else could I whoop everyone else's pants in? I think it would have to be in the TMI (women) event. I am certain there are men out there that are way better at this, but I could so win if the competition was female only.

I think bodily functions (or dysfunctions) are almost always hilarious. I will talk about them in the most inappropriate settings without filter. Church fellowship dinner, perhaps? Actually, I think somewhere in my brain there is a filter, it is just severely damaged. I can feel something zapping warnings 'don't say that', 'people are eating', 'that's just gross'. Nevertheless, the words seem to just tumble out of my mouth.

This is why I have always believed I was destined to have boys. I honestly wouldn't know how to raise a girl 'properly'. I could probably read about it and figure it out as I went along, but it certainly wouldn't come naturally. I don't like dolls. I can't stand the color pink. I don't even know how to make a braid. (The fact that one of my boys thinks he IS a girl and told me just yesterday that he wants to grow up to 'be a lady' is topic for another day, however.)

I fart a lot. A LOT, a lot. I asked my hubby last week what he would give me if he could get me anything at all for Valentine's Day. His answer? "A can of beans and an empty room to fart in." I shit you not, that is what he said. He knows me well...that probably WOULD be a great gift for me. I fart, I laugh, laughing makes me fart, the cycle repeats, and it is such a good time! Well, it is for me at least. He continues to allow almost all of his bodily functions occur behind closed doors. Spoiled sport.

My oldest son was enrolled in a pre-K program when he was 3 years old. On the first day of school, his teacher found it necessary to leave the classroom to call me about his 'potty mouth'. These were her exact words:

"Your son seems to have a potty mouth. He said 'F...A-R-T."

Two thoughts went through my head. The first, 'Thank God it was THAT 'F-word'! The other: 'So WHAT?!?!' Luckily, my filter seemed to be (somewhat) working that day, as I was able to choke out through my suppressed giggles, "OK. I will talk to him when he gets home." When I picked him up, I had to explain to him that we needed to keep those words inside our house because not everyone finds them funny.

I will limit myself to one more piece of anecdotal evidence, because I could go on about this stuff all night and day.

Last month, a friend was describing her experience on the Master Cleanse Diet. I wasn't especially intrigued until she mentioned 'the poop'. Apparently, you could Google search this diet and people have taken photos of their bowel movements, which, OMG, ratemypoo.com doesn't even hold a candle to. That site is like child's play compared to the beauties that this diet expels. I was absolutely OBSESSED over this thing for a week. I really wanted to try the Master Cleanse and see what MY poop would look like. Hubby, however, was very much against it, and besides, I like my food way too much and have zero willpower.

Which reminds me...if 'lack of willpower' were an Olympic event, I would probably win that one, too.

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So what event would you be sure to win the gold medal in? Add a comment and tell me!