I Think I May Have Lost Something

I lose track of things often. My phone, my keys, my grocery list, occasionally my kids...

For Christmas this year, my mom gave me a keychain tracker. I would use it, if only I could remember where I put the darn thing.

Because I forget things so easily, I am obsessed with checking things. Are my keys in my hand before I close the door? Did I turn off the coffeepot? Do I have something to drink while I'm in my car?

There is one thing that I constantly obsess about that I have no real way of checking, though. Did I forget to take my tampon out? It is my one comfort when scheduling my annual well-woman exam. At least I will get a definitive answer on that one and be stress-free until my next period.

A few years ago I had an major operation. It happened to be 3 months before my annual exam. After injecting me with a 'mild sedative' before the major anesthesia, the nurse asked me if I had any other questions. I remember asking her quietly if while they were 'down there,' she could check to make sure I didn't have a tampon in me. My husband was still in the surgical prep room with me, but I am sure he didn't hear me asking the nurse to check my snatch for stray feminine hygiene products. I know nurses hear and see everything, but I have a feeling this was the first time someone had made this request. She looked a little embarrassed, but said she would. Ahhh, now I could relax. And that was all I remember until a couple of days after surgery...

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About a week after my surgery, my husband was recalling all the weird stuff I was saying and doing while on anesthesia and the subsequent pain medication. He said I was begging the nurse for more morphine after I 'came to' and she was telling me that if she gave me any more I would stop breathing (this was MAJOR surgery, folks). I also got out of his car carrying my half-full catheter bag across a parking lot to a picnic table where store employees were having their break and smoked a cigarette while he ran into the store to pick up my prescriptions.

Then he started to tell me about what happened before I went into surgery. He said I was harassing the poor nurse about checking my vag for tampons. I told him, "No, I remember that. I asked her really quietly. I whispered so quietly that I didn't even think you could hear me!" Um...no. Apparently, once I was "relaxed" I would say to the nurse every time she walked by. "Hey, don't forget to look inside for tampons! Promise me you are going to look!" He also told me that by the time they were taking me back to the operating room, I was practically screaming it to every nurse and doctor I saw.

O.M.G.

It's a good thing I had my surgery at a specialized surgical facility, because if he is not exaggerating, I may have woken up from surgery in the psych ward.